2008.
Right around the corner now.I reflect on year’s past,mistakes made & accomplishments finished.Disappointments and tear’s,achievements and laughter.New additions in the family and new ones on the way for 2008.As well as the new one’s that would have been but never made it.These little one’s in Heaven now ,i am left with a sorrowful heart that i never got to hold them .While at the same time glad they are with Jesus above now,laughing and having a great time awaiting the rest of us down here that have put our trust in Jesus.I am referring to abortion,not me ,but of another family member.The babies are my grandchildren that i didn’t get too hold.I named him September ,the month i lost him.One day in Heaven i shall get too know him i am assured through my father.
Drugs as well have taken their toll on a family member.Meth is becoming ,or has become ,a destructive killer.It is very addictive to even the strongest wills if ever allowed into a person.If you do not want to be an addict,NEVER BEGIN!For over 5 years now meth has been an intruder in my family.Takes common sense and throws it all away until you are left with a demented picture of reality that only you,the addict,can comprehend.This reality is a mixture of paranoid delusions,half truths,anger,rebellion taken as survival,health issues,and complete resentment of anyone who tries to help you ,even out of love.Anyone that tries to show the Truth to you is cut off,new friends or old one’s with the same addictive personality ,are the only one’s you will stay around.They make you feel better about the choices you have made instead of allowing you guilt and pain ..Two of the things that just may allow you to free yourself from this deadly foe.Friend please don’t be confused…You do meth,Meth becomes you …You are lost even to your own self and family.
Alcohol as well will steal you away.The same as with drugs,just cheaper to buy and readily available for your consumption.People usually begin drinking just for the fun of it.At parties and socials with your closest friends.Some begin drinking just too try and make it easier to deal with painful situations.This is the worse in my opinion.I have seen more lost to the addiction in this matter than any other.The more you hurt ,the more you drink.It does not make it easier really,just puts off the inevitable chore of dealing with it.
Life is hard for most any of us anymore.When you have to be the person who lives or loves one or more of these addicts,it is ten times harder.You become the peacekeeper,the watcher shall we say.We must stand by and watch your life be eaten away day by day and seem helpless to stop it.While at the same time ,especially if it is inside your home,babysit the situation constantly to keep it under control as much as possible.Tempers flare,patience is at it’s lowest due to the same thing happening over and over with this person.Other’s have ran out of patience for the excuses and the apologies that are unfelt any more.
Prayers have held you up until you yourself wonder”Are you there”? You know God is but you wonder why an answer has not come..Don’t get me wrong,in my heart i know he is and it will happen at God’s timing.But with our human nature we wonder…We Don’t doubt,it just happens.
I wonder why my daughter can’t see all that has happened and know why we can’t just act like it is ok now anymore.Those days are over.She must stand up strongly and fix this mess,and it want work just by saying ”it want ever happen again”.
Rehabilitation of some kind must be taken,too ensure a greater chance of her complete recovery.She must make new friends instead of hanging on too the very one’s that are just as weak as herself.She must learn too stand on her own two feet instead of needing a man there constantly,any man.These things she seems to be blinded by.The need for a life different than what she has had.I pray and hope for her.She is not a bad person,she can have one of the biggest ,given freely,hearts i have seen.But she has hidden it deep away,or rather drugs have.The results of the drug use are there,memory problems,easy to anger,confusion,resentment,blaming others for the problems and pain she has placed on us…No honest look at now.
Life has a way of making us look really deep inside ourselves.We can choose to learn from it by taking all the pain upon ourselves and trying to make sure this never happens again ,or we can choose to look for other reasons that this happened.Someone hurt us somewhere down the line,someone said mean words,took something from us.
You know that is where i have a problem with mental help .Most of them try and find out the REAL UNDERLYING REASON this HAD to happen to you.And thus making an excuse to the person for things being this way.From why you have destructive thoughts to inflicting pain on others.Instead of making that person realize they are in control of their future by the choice’s they make ,they almost excuse it,thus making them empowered to do it again,simply because someone ,somewhere,in their past caused this.
”it’s not their fault” THEY SAY!!!!!!!!!!
I DISAGREE SO BADLY ON THIS.I have had some really bad things happen to me through my life.Rape,drugs,abuse-mental and physical over and over,theft,alcohol,much anything you can think of.DOES THAT EXCUSE ANYTHING I DO?????? NO ,NO,NO.
Can i use this as a learning tool? YES.
Anything that does not kill you can and will empower you for positive actions.The choice is your’s to either become the victim and find more victims ,or be the one to overcome.I choose to live my life as full as i can.I try and help, not be the deceiver of friends.I choose to trust God and allow him to help me grow and change my life.I choose to forgive pain instead of letting it eat me alive.I choose to love.
I CHOOSE TO LIVE..
I CHOOSE TO PRAY..
I AM THE WATCHER..
wE CELEBRATE THIS DAY IN REMEMBRANCE OF WHAT JESUS DID! He died for our sins and on the third day he rose...
1 Comment
December 29, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Pain eats me inside and it mainly is the pain from famil members. I feel they are ashamed of me because I do not have as much as they do. I feel they purposely do things that hurt me. I never even hear from certain family members for months on end.
Is it wrong to want certain people out of your life that hurt you so much you can’t bare to look at them. Forgiving doesn’t even help that is how bad the hurt is.